Reign Loleng is Crispy

So Random

2009-06-21T07:25:00.001+08:00

EX is, well, an ex-boyfriend who I dumped because he was just too melodramatic. Below are a snippets from our chance encounter via YM. (Note: I edited parts because I hate it when people ~~spel wUrdz lyk dis.)~~

EX: Do you still remember me?

Reign: No.

EX: Ok.

Reign: I’m kidding. Of course I remember you.

EX: Kumusta na?

Reign: Cut to the chase. What do you need?

EX: Wala lang. I miss you.

Reign: Damn it.

Hmmm. What to say to someone who says they miss you when you don’t miss them back?

***

EX: May BF ka now?

Reign: No.

EX: Ako I’m dating someone.

Reign: Did I ask?

EX: Nasabi ko lang. Kasi he reminds me of you.

Reign: Wow. I’m very very flattered.

EX: :)

Reign: FYI, that was sarcasm.

EX: :(

Why do exes have the need to know about your current romantic situations? And why to they feel the need to one-up you? Is this some kind of a contest?

***

EX: Pwede ba tayo magkita ulit?

Reign: What for?

EX: Sobrang na-miss talaga kita.

Reign: Oh?

EX: Oo. Let’s go out. Date tayo.

Reign: ‘Di ba nga you are dating someone?

EX: Oo, pero I think mas masaya ako pag ikaw ulit kasama ko.

Reign: ‘Di ako clown. Hahahaha.

EX: Ewan. I just want to be with you again.

The last line made me stop typing. I thought about it. It was so random. So unexpected. A part of me wants to say “yes” because I am so bored and I sorta kinda want to see him too – no, I don’t miss him, that’s different. But I know being with him again is a disaster in the making. So for a couple of moments, which felt like an eternity, I thought about how to reply and I came up with this…

Reign: Sure. Let’s have dinner.

Whatever. I am a sucker for disasters anyway.

***

I just found out that yet another ex-boyfriend of mine is going to be a father. That’s it. I am very very convinced that I am an avatar of a Hindu fertility god. Barren? Touch Reign Loleng and be a parent in an instant!

***

There are now 344 reported cases of Influenza A(H1N1) in the Philippines. It’s only inevitable that I will get it soon. There – I just made a case for going to Hong Kong despite the pandemic. See you in 5 days.

HK night market looks like a hotbed for H1N1 doesn’t it?

No Beach

2009-06-18T08:36:00.000+08:00

This year I was not able to go to the beach so I went ahead and took a moment to scan old pictures of myself enjoying the sand. And I found this…

Ugh! I hate the fact that I wasn’t able to go to the beach this summer. Oh well, at least I am going to HK next week. It’ll be my first time. Anyone know any places in HK that I should visit? Thanks.

Snippets: Tumbleweeds, Roxanne, Moustache, 295, Cheyenne

2009-06-11T01:09:00.001+08:00

Overheard: Tumbleweeds

Three gay guys on a coffee place…

G1: It’s been six months since I had last sex. I miss it.

G2: That’s depressing. Your ass is a desert.

G3: You should check it. Baka may tumbleweeds na diyan. Hahaha!

G1: Whatever, I like tumbleweeds. It’s rustic.

G2: Honey, there’s nothing rustic about tumbleweeds. Do not romanticize your non-existent sex life.

Roxanne Guinoo

… is one of the nicest celebrities that I’ve met. I really thought that she would be an uber-bitch. I don’t know why. I guess she just exudes that aura. Anyway, I met her and she is super nice. I promise to watch her next movie, teleserye, whatever.

I wanted to ask her about Jake Cuenca but that would be too much, no?

Don’t Shave, Ever

I have seen a slew of celebrities around ABS-CBN but I’ve never really been starstrucked. And then I met Jimmy Encarnacion. He was Ces Drilon’s cameraman who were kidnapped last year in Sulu. Here is what I remember from my brief meeting with him.

Reign: Sir!

Jimmy: Hello. (smiles)

Reign: (extends hand, shakes Jimmy’s hand) Bilib ako po ako sa tapang niyo.

Jimmy: (still smiling) Salamat.

Reign: Huwag po kayo mag-aahit, sexy kayo tingnan pag may bigote. (I really don’t know why I said it.)

Jimmy: (turns all red, laughs a little) Thank you!

I am in love with him. He’s just so cute.

295

~~I’m fat~~. I’m obese. There I said it. But somehow, there are days that I feel just so sexy, slim. Reverse anorexia? Is there something wrong with me?

I Won’t Walk Away, Promise

I love you, Cheyenne. I love you so much.

'Yung kay Hayden...

2009-05-27T23:30:00.002+08:00

Buti pa 'tong buhok ko mahaba, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa ang pila sa Lotto mahaba, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa 'yung utang ko sa tindahan mahaba, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa 'yung mga kuko ni Mystica mahaba, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa ang Coke 1.5 malaki, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa si Sharon mataba, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa ang yelo matigas, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa ang ulo ng batang makulit matigas, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa 'yung luto ni nanay mukhang masarap, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa 'yung baba ni Ai-Ai mahaba, 'yung kay Hayden...
Buti pa 'yung legs ni Melanie Marquez mahaba, 'yung kay Hayden...

I Cried A Little Bit

2009-05-21T14:03:00.000+08:00

In 2006, Brokeback Mountain was the frontrunner to win the Oscar Best Picture. Everyone expected it. Even the people who made the other films nominated that year. Jack Nicholson announced the winner. He opens the envelope and reads… ~~“Crash!”~~ He gave a don’t-be-mad-at-me-I-only-read-it look. I cried a little bit.

Flash forward to 2009, Adam Lambert was a few moments away from being named the next American Idol. Everyone knew it was going to happen, perhaps, even Kris Allen himself knew. Seacrest opens the envelope and reads the name of the winner. It is… “Kris Allen.” I can almost hear it. 100 million drag queens ripped their gowns in despair. Gays all over the world are mourning. Homophobia is so mainstream. Mainstream is so homophobic. I cried a little bit.

Academy Award Nominee Mo’Nique?

2009-05-20T23:08:00.000+08:00

The Film Experience lists Mo’Nique as a front-runner for Oscar 2009 Best Supporting Actress for “Precious”. Trailer looks good. Mariah Carey seems like she wants to be taken seriously as an an actress – de-glam! Can’t wait.

Hmmm, so in less than a year we will be hearing a lot of “Oscar Nominee Mo’Nique?” If Queen Latifah can do it why can’t she? This is actually within the realm of possibility since Precious is backed by Oprah Winfrey who is said to have lobbied majorly for ~~“Crash”~~ to win Best Picture upsetting “Brokeback Mountain.”

Two-Month Hiatus...

2009-05-17T02:07:00.003+08:00

... is over.

I've finally finished my screenplay. I missed the Palanca deadline but oh well. Very very happy that I completed it. It's not exactly a masterpiece but I can officially say that I wrote something that's well over 90 pages.
Workshop is fun. I am currently attending a Film and TV Production workshop. The first few sessions were amazing. Learned a lot, especially from Ricky Lee. I never expected him to be funny. Seriously, he should be a stand-up comic. Next week we will be talking about costume and production design. Not too excited about that.
Creative living. DVD marathon. Books. Music. Loving it.
"Dead na si Lolo" revived my hope for the Philippine Movies. "Heavenly Touch" killed it. What a waste of time and money.
"United States of Tara" is my new favorite TV series. Second season will be on 2010. "The Office", "Lost", "American Idol", "Amazing Race", "Survivor: Toncantins" season finales in a span of two weeks. What to watch now? I guess "Parks and Recreations" is an adequate "The Office" subsitute.
Everyone is single. College BFFs. High School BFFs. Singlehood has its pros and cons - okay, mostly cons. But if you and your closest friends are experiencing a synchronized single-blessedness, it doesn't feel so lonely.
I am currently crushing on someone. Yey me!
In two months, the new niece will come. Must lobby hard for a good name. Adrianna Reign? Amandine Rachel? Suggestions? Must start with either letter A or R.
My weight is at an all-time high. Cracks in confidence observed. Must avoid breakdown.
Jillions of celebrity sighting. Not really starstrucked. Except maybe Tonton Guttierez wearing super tight jeans. The guy is hung.
Oh, and yeah, I turned 27.

Who Is Marco Morales?

2009-03-15T04:49:00.000+08:00

Last week, I was able to see a movie called “Booking” and boy was I disappointed. I meant to write a review the film, but during my research I was more interested with its lead star – Marco Morales. I googled him and boy was I overwhelmed with the throng of blog articles (and pictures) about him.

Who is he?

A friend told me that he was once a part of GMA-7’s Sunday afternoon show SOP and was a singer and a member of a boy group SOP Showboyz.

So is he a singer?

Not quite. I checked his filmography – not much there – and I noticed that he has appeared prominently in three films - “Booking”, “Butas”, and “Walang Kawala.” All three films are independently produced and let’s be frank about this, they all sell sex. Of the three, “Booking” and “Walang Kawala” are gay-themed and I happened to have seen both of them.

So he is actor, then?

Let’s check.

In “Walang Kawala” he only appeared in few scenes but he is very memorable for showing his goods. He played a macho dancer so a sexy dance scene was almost obligatory, but the full frontal nudity came in as a shock for me. I seriously did not expect that. The gay man in me appreciated the peek-a-boo moment but the artist in me was asking “is that even necessary?” Conflicted as I may be, but I sure as hell remembered him. That scene and Joseph Bitangcol’s kunot-noo-galit-ako intense acting are the two things I best remember from that movie. For good reasons or not, I remembered who Marco Morales is.

Now “Butas” I haven’t seen, but I am currently downloading a copy. A friend of mine saw it and I asked him what he thought of the movie. What he said didn’t exactly surprise me. Marco Morales, apparently, showed his goods again for the world to see. And I asked my friend, “was he good in it?” to which he replied “I really don’t know, I was busy checking out his dick.”

Guess who made a quick cameo on Morales’ “Booking?” If you say his thing, then you guessed right. If your eyes are quick enough, you could spot it making a very quick appearance. I swear his penis should be on the marquee on his next movie. They should credit it a la “WITH A SPECIAL PARTICIPATION OF… Marco Morales’ Penis.” I heard that the movie did not do well in the box-office (granted it is indie so this is no surprise) and I think the reason for that is overexposure. And I am not even kidding. After seeing the same thing over and over again, people are bound to get tried of it.

Again, who the hell is Marco Morales?

Marco Morales is an actor who is not afraid to take off his clothes for “art.” And more than that, he is the personification of everything that is wrong with independent films in the Philippines. Nowadays, producers and directors are getting away with showing titillating movies that sells sex as long as they call it “indie.” They are duping the public into thinking that what they’re movies are of the high art just because it is labeled as such. They are duping actors like Marco Morales to strip on camera because it is “indie.” Gone are the days were the word “indie” is synonymous to a cinematic experience of higher art form. Now, when you say “indie” it just means a film that could have been produced by Seiko in the ‘90’s.

I’m not condemning Marco Morales. In fact, I feel for him. He is being victimized by some people who wants to make some money off of his penis. I even think that in his mind he is doing something, uhm, important and artistic.

I’m not even condemning independent film producers because I have seen a lot of them and some of them are just brilliant and a true cinematic gems like “100”, “Padyak”, “Tulad ng Dati.” In fact, “Padyak” has one gay sex scene and it was handled tastefully.

What I am trying to do is challenge the producers to make good films and not bank on nudity and hide behind a convenient label that may help them avoid the flak of the censors. Hey, they marketed “Booking” as the gay version of Lino Brocka’s “Bona”. Talk about misleading. I am also asking them to make better gay-themed movies that do not use sex as a major selling point. Can’t we make a gay-themed movie that does not involve sex?

I am also asking the gay movie audience – US - to be hungry for good quality gay films. The likes that does not portray us as sex-starved maniacs who would use art as a way to show some skin. Let’s be vigilant, and if possible be involved.

After all, we are not just about sex – aren’t we?

Is This Really Him?

2009-02-18T13:22:00.002+08:00

As a blogger, to take back something something that you have already posted is probably one of the biggest crime you could commit. But please before you call me out on anything, let me show you this…

I take it back. A few posts ago, I was all praises with Lani Misalucha’s transformation. Not anymore. But before you Lani fans go hating on me, let me just say that I am still a fan of hers. I still think that she is a very talented singer. But come on now, Lani. You should have stopped with the surgeries when you are starting to look like one of the Jacksons. But then again, she could be thinking of replacing Heath Ledger in the next Batman movie. Joker anyone?

Speaking of cosmetic surgery – on to Regine Velasquez. I recently had a friendly debate with a friend about her transformation. The topic was not “Did she have something done?”. it was “What did really change?”

I see brow lift, nose job and collagen. What do you see? Please don’t mention the obvious. ~~(Weight gain.)~~

But you know sometimes, you really don’t need cosmetic surgery to look like a Hollywood celebrity. Case in point – Pokwang.

Are they related? They could be sisters don’t they. If Pokwang did some surgical enhancement please let me know.

And finally, off-topic but a bit intriguing.

Is this really James Yap? Seriously? Kris Aquino is one lucky girl.

Sad/Horny

2009-02-11T05:59:00.002+08:00

Recently, I read an article online about the perks of singlehood. Five things were listed as fabulous things about being single:

1. My time is my own.
2. Everything stays were I left it.
3. No one has to see my faults.
4. My money is my own.
5. I can go whenever I want, wherever I want.

If, like me, you have been single and alone for almost an entire lifetime, you know that the statements posted above are not fabulous things about being single but a defense mechanism or convenient excuses to avoid relationships (or explain why you are not in one.) It’s pathetic to mask the pangs of loneliness by putting up a pseudo-positive attitude. I am the kind of fag who wallows and swims in my despair hoping I learn something from it.

I need a person who will drag me to Church even though I never want to attend mass. I need someone to talk on the phone with until the morning even though I hate very long telephone conversations. I need someone to share my time with. I need someone who will ask me watch the latest Nicole Kidman film even though I hate her to death. I need someone who’ll tell me to pick-up clothes from the dry cleaners even though I am allergic to laundry detergent.

My life is cluttered. My room is cluttered. My mind is cluttered. I need someone who’ll pick up after me, organize me or at least someone worth organizing my life for. I place things at the wrong places and I need someone to tell me where to put them and how to arrange them.

I think I am perfect – I am conceited. Someone has to tell me that I need to lose weight, my clothes are not fashionable, I talk too much, I can’t sing, I have to shut up. Someone has to tell me that I could be wrong. I need the reminder.

I love to give the perfect present. I like to give someone a CD of my favorite band. I want someone to shop clothes for and spend time thinking what would look best for him.

I would love to have someone to jog to CCP with, to swim in the beaches of Boracay with, to visit the museums of Rome with, and to make go to Disneyland with. (Boracay, Rome, Disneyland? Ang babaw ko, dude.)

I need a man. Not a boy

Or maybe I just need sex… matagal na rin ah!

Doubt

2009-02-07T01:25:00.000+08:00

Thanks to my new best friend, mininova.org, I was able to see Doubt days before it opens in theaters here in Manila. And yes, I got a very clear copy, thank you very much.

I was very excited to download Doubt because this year it is nominated for 5 Oscars. And everyone is raving about Viola Davis’ performance and Meryl Streep historic 15th Oscar acting nomination. For that alone, this is a must see.

The movie is set in 1964, at St. Nicholas Church / School in Bronx. It’s a power struggle between the school principal, a nun played by Streep, who believes in the power of fear and discipline (think Etang Discher) and a popular priest, Father Flynn, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, who is trying to change the school’s strict customs and maybe try to be, uh, cool. In the midst of all the political tug of war is Sister James, played by Amy Adams, a naive nun who has suspicions about Father Flynn’s relationship with one of the altar boys. Juicy. In the mix is Mrs. Miller (Davis), the mother of the alleged victim of molestation.

Now, I am was a Catholic. Went to a Catholic school from pre-school to high school. Heard mass as often as I could. Was a part of the church choir. Naturally, I am intrigued and yes I have my biases.

But first a few talking points…

THE CAST

This is the most Oscar nominated acting ensemble since 2002’s Chicago. In fact, it duplicate all of Chicago’s acting nominations: 2 for Supporting Actress (Davis, Adams / Queen Latifah, Catherine Zeta Jones), 1 for Supporting Actor (Hofman / John C. Reilly) and 1 for Lead Actress (Streep / Renee Zellweger).

Philip Seymour Hoffman is definitely the lead. Why he campaigned for supporting actor is beyond me. Still, this was a good performance from Hoffman. He plays the creepy guy very well (yes, father Flynn creeped the hell out of me). It’s almost unfair to the character that Hoffman is tapped to play him. I mean, just one look at Hoffman and my brain is screaming “pedophile, pedophile!”

Amy Adams, was good, but then again she can play this role in her sleep. We’ve seen her many times before played a variation of the innocent naive hopeful anything. Think, Enchanted. Is this performance Oscar-worthy? I say NO!

The always amazing Streep was again the star of the show. This woman is a legend. Will she win this year’s Oscar? I am guessing no. It seems like it’s Kate Winslet’s year. But I just realized that the last time Streep won an Oscar was 1982. That is such a crime.

Now much has been said about Viola Davis’ performance. I think she’s great in this movie. But is she as good as what the others say? No. I didn’t think so. She appears in only 2 scenes in the movie, one of them the most talked about scene with Streep, and I felt underwhelmed. It was like a “is that it?” moment for me. Perhaps, a second viewing will make me change my mind.

Over-all, I say Doubt is one of the best films of 2008 I have seen. The acting was good, not great, but still good. The movie was well written (adapted by John Patrick Shanley from his own play, he directs too), especially the dramatic climax between the Sister Aloysius and Father Flynn and the “gossip” parable.

However, I think it failed on two things. One, in the middle of the film, it seems to propose a “did he do it?’ question for the viewers which was never really fully fulfilled. As the story progresses, it seems to challenge the viewers to cast, well, doubt on Father’s Flynn’s character and Sister Aloysious’ suspicions. Instead, it makes the viewer decide and take sides early on. You don’t really flip flop as the premise of the movie suggest. You become a lawyer for either the charismatic priest and try to defend him, or be on the stern nun’s side and try to persecute with her.

Finally, the ending. I was satisfied with the ending. It felt like it was the right thing for the writer to do. But one thing that bugs me is, the last line. I never realized until now how the last dialogue could ruin an entire movie.

Doubt is currently showing theaters in Manila.

Pops is No Lani Misalucha

2009-02-04T22:12:00.012+08:00

Pops Fernandez is all over my TV. Apparently she is promoting some concert with her ex-husband and super annoying drama king Martin Nievera. The concert is produced by Pops' current beau - former hottie and former star of my sexual fantasies - Jomari Yllana. More on him later.

A few questions:

May nanonood pa ba sa kanila?
Ilang taon na ba sila? Hindi ba sila singkwenta anyos na?
'Di ba sila magka-away?
and finally.. si Pops Fernandez ba ay si Inday Badiday?

Let me say this: "Pops Fernandez's face is fucked-up. Seriously."

She went from pleasantly cosmetically enhanced to...

Petrang Kabayo.

Dapat dito kay Pops tularan si Mama Lani Misalucha. In fairness kay Lani, halata man na nagpagawa siya, na-enhance naman ang ganda ng lola mo. Ganyan dapat kung magpaparetoke ka.

Lani Misalucha's evolution.

Minus One Lani
(yes siya daw ang boses na inaalis sa Minus One tapes sa Karaoke)

SOP Lani
(mukhang inayusang PA ni Regine)

Vegas Lani
(kinabog ang Theory ni Charles Darwin, mabilisang ebolusyon ito)

Although, I must admit, Lani's nose looks kinda waxy. Parang detachabale. Konti na lang mukha na siyang kapatid nila Janet, LaToya and Michael Jackson.

But still, Pops, kung nababasa mo ito (naks!) take a cue from Lani. Hindi na naman lihim sa lahat na ibang level na ang pinaretoke mo. Kilala ka na namin dalagita ka pa lang. Sana, kung magpapagawa ka ng mukha, ayusin mo. Ka-fez ka na ni Ate Luds, eh. Ayan mas maganda na si Dolly Ann Carvajal sa 'yo.

Movies 2008

2009-01-15T13:59:00.002+08:00

Of all the movies released in 2008 I only saw 34 of them. And I even saw the real bad ones. I am so embarrassed.

Movies I saw in 2008

27 Dresses
Meet the Spartans
Jumper
Vantage Point
Semi-Pro
10,000 BC
Horton Hears a Who
Shutter
21
Superhero Movie
Baby Mama
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
What Happens in Vegas...
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Sex and the City Movie
The Promotion
The Happening
The Love Guru
WALL-E
Mamma Mia!
The Dark Knight
The Pineapple Express
Tropic Thunder
The House Bunny
The Little Mermaid: Ariel's Beginning
Vicky Christina Barcelona
Burn After Reading
Blindness
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Role Models
Slumdog Millionaire
Seven Pounds
The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons

21 of the 34 are of the Comedy Genre and it's hyrbrid. Hmmm...

Slumdog Millionaire

2009-01-14T15:51:00.015+08:00

A few thoughts while watching Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire.

Slumdog Millionaire is supposed to be a feel-good movie. How can’t it be not if it talks about destiny. However, let me just say that it is a little too violent for my taste. Some scenes are reminiscent of Fernando Mereilles’ City of God.

Why can’t Filipino child actors be this cute? Or talented. In my opinion, the child actor – Ayush Mashesh Khedekar - who played the young Jamal should be nominated for an Oscar just for being cute and un-precocious.

The character of Arvind deserves a movie of his own, I think. Or at least an epsiode of MMK. When Jamal and Salim where taken in by Maman, a “messiah” of sorts, they met Arvind, probably the best singer in the “orphanage”. So when the time that Arvind’s voice is ready for public performance, he auditions for Maman a la American Idol, except there’s no golden ticket. If your voice is good enough, Maman will blind you with hot acid to double your earnings singing in the streets. The boys who played Arvind (the character ages throughout the film) – Chirag Parmar and Siddesh Patil – have the kind of vocals that makes me you awwww. Or maybe it’s the song.

*TeeHee* Indian Call Centers. Brings back memories. The Call Center Training Room scene is kinda funny – if you’ve worked in a call center before. It’s I’m-glad-I’m-over-it feeling for me.

The actor who played the host of India’s Who Wants to be a millionaire – Anil Kapoor – looks eerily like Christopher de Leon. Or an older version of Colin Farrell.

Freida Pinto is a goddess. I have to say that she was upstaged by the child actors who played Latika at younger ages, but hell girl is purdy.

The film has it’s flaws sure, but the great thing about Slumdog is that the main character is so adorable that you really root for him. His decision delivers several “what the…” reactions but you still want him to succeed. You try to ignore his flaws and you go with him through his journey of fulfilling his destiny even if you don’t necessarily agree with his choices. This, I think, what makes a great hero for a movie.

Love the homage to old sing and dance Bollywood movies. *TeeHee* Great ending/closing credits. You will leave the theater (or, in my case, turn off the PC) with a good feeling and a smile.

Judge me, whatever, I’m in love with Dev Patel.

Jai Ho performed by AR Rahman feat. Sukhvinder Singh, Tanvi Shah and Mahalaxmi Iyer. Jai Ho roughly translated means “hail” or “hallelujah”, maybe “mabuhay?” Click here for the lyrics and the translation.

Oscar pundits are already calling Slumdog Millionaire as a lock for an Oscar Best Picture nomination together with The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons, Frost/Nixon, Milk and The Dark Knight. But with Slumdog winning last week’s Golden Globe Best Picture Drama, seems like it is posed to win the Oscar. Of the films mentioned, I have not seen Milk and Frost/Nixon yet so I really can’t give a prediction.

Okay off to Mininova now.

For Maui

2009-01-05T10:40:00.003+08:00

Always be hopeful...

Anyone Else But You - The Moldy Peaches

Sunday Videos: Eww... Like, There's Ipis!

2008-12-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

Uh... I love my gays!

ManCandy Tuesday - Hugh Jackman

2008-12-23T00:31:00.001+08:00

This Tuesday's ManCandy is.... Wolverine!

Selected Filmography:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Australia (2008)
The Fountain (2006)
Van Helsing (2004)
Kate & Leopold (2001)
and the X-Men series

I heard that Hugh Jackman has been selected or in the running as the next host for the Oscars. I can't say that I'm too happy about this. I mean, I love Hugh and all, but I don't know if he has the comedy chops to host such a huge event ala De Generes, Goldberg, Crystal, Rock, Martin.

If he is going to be topless the whole show.... :D

Gusto Kitang Bambuhin ng Glazed Ham Lola

2008-12-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

Hindi ako excited sa pasko.

Puta! Tumatanda na ba ako? Seryoso as in hindi ako na-e-excite sa gift giving, sa family reunions and etc. Wala naman ako steady work so walang bonus na aasahan. Wala rin akong Christmas raket. Wala. Walang magawa.

Kanina pumunta ako sa Padre Faura at binisita ang isa sa mga close friends ko. Si Fharniza. Money Changer. Hahahaha. Bakit ang baba ng palitan ng piso sa dollar? $1 = PHP47.10, kumusta naman 'di ba? Nananadya ang Bangko Sentral. Itaon ba sa Christmas season ang pagmanipula ng exchange rate? Buset!

Pagkatapos namin nagtuos ni Fharniza, kailangan dumaan sa Mercury Drug para mamimili ng weekly medicine ng lola ko. Can I just share na ang branch ng Mercury sa Faura ang pinakapaborito ko? Try niyo dumaan. Kagagandang lalaki ng mga pharmacist! Pharmacist ba ang tawag sa kanila? Oh well. Gusto ko makipag-flirt. Pero papaano naman ako makikipaglandian kung ang binili ko e sangrekwang Norvasc at Lipitor. Gamot sa high blood at pampababa ng cholesterol. Wa-poise ang gamot. Minus.

Since nasa Malate area na ako, dumaan na rin ako sa Rob Place para bumili ng corkscrew. May mga wine sa bahay wala naman pantanggal ng cork. So nakapila ako sa supermarket at kumustahin naman natin ang dami ng tao 'di ba? Hindi ko alam kung pila ng lotto iyon o autograph signing ni Sharon Cuneta. Punyeta. At ang mga lola sa harap ko, may antay factor pa. Alam mo 'yung na-punch na lahat ng bibilihin tapos may padagdag pa? So 'yung kasama super run para kumuha ng isang bote ng ketchup habang naghihintay ako, ang kahera, at ang bagger. Leche. Nginitian ako ni lola. Apologetic smile. Napangiti na rin ako, per sa totoo lang gusto ko siya bambuhin ng hamon sa ulo.

Nanawagan ako. Sa lahat ng mago-grocery: PWEDE GUMAWA NG LIST? Nakakainis kasi 'yung mga last minute padagdag e. Hindi porke halagang isang libo ang pinamili natin e pwede natin angkinin ang cashier. 'Wag ganon.

I remember 'nung bata ako, ganitong ganito nanay ko. Pipili kami, tapos may makakalimutan siya. So tatakbo siya para kumuha ng kung anuman nakalimutan niya - mayo, kape, sabon - samantalang ako naghihintay sa kahera. I swear may mga pagkakataon na feeling ko naiirita na ang kahera sa akin. Tinitingnan niya ako ng may panghuhusga. Tapos magdadasal ako na "Lord, sana bagalan ng kahera ang pag punch ng items".

I swear minsan, naisip ko na what if pag-tripan ako ng nanay ko? What if iniwan niya talaga ako? Tapos aawayin ako ng kahera. Tapos tatawagin niya ang manager. At tapos para mabayaran lahat ng na-punch na e kailangan ko magtrabaho sa supermarket at hihiyain nila ako katulad ng mga nakapaskil na picture na may nakasulat na "HUWAG TULARAN".

Taray naman ng Twilight Zone moment ko.

Sunday Videos: You Go Girlfriend!

2008-12-21T19:07:00.002+08:00

Confused ako! Natatawa ako pero sobrang napabilib niya ko!

Reign Loleng is Crispier than Ever!

2008-12-21T17:43:00.001+08:00

Moved!

Old blog is located at: http://reignloleng.wordpress.com

Ear Candy Saturday - Jazmine Sullivan's Bust Your Windows

2008-12-20T20:22:00.001+08:00

This is the opening track to her debut album "Fearless". Here Jazmine sounds like Etta James and Amy Winehouse. Very old school.

She's kinda a cross between Lauryn Hill and Faith Evans. Buy the album. Sound is very neo-soul and sometimes contemporary R&B.

This year, Jazmine Sullivan is nominated for the following Grammy Awards:

Best New Artist
Best Female R&B Performance - "Need U Bad"
Best Traditional R&B Vocal Performance - "In Love With Another Man"
Best R&B Song - "Bust Your Windows"
Best Contemporary R&B Album - "Fearless"

Reign: In Movie Quotes

2008-12-19T21:05:00.000+08:00

“Aso! Aso lang ang hindi nakakakilala sa pangalang Magnolia Dela Cruz”

- Nora Aunor in Bilangin ang Bituin sa Langit

Hindi Magnolia ang pangalan ko, una sa lahat. Pero ngayong ako’y isa ng ganap na Theater Director / Actor / Playwright – naks! – isa sa mga gusto kong achieve-in sa buhay ay ang maabot ang level ng kasikatan ni Magnolia. ‘Yung tipong aso nga lang ang ‘di ako kilala. Oo, aso lang, dahil gusto ko makilala ako ng mga kambing, tupa, platypus, ostrich, pawikan. Pero seryoso, sometimes naiisip ko na baka nga gusto ko career-in ang arts kasi nga gusto ko lang sumikat. So, para wala ng mga tanong, tinanggap ko na pangalawa sa need ko na ipuwersa ang mga pananaw ko sa buhay sa mga tao through arts, gusto ko rin sumikat. Siyempre, pangatlo diyan ay magkaroon nag pera. ‘Yung maraming marami. ‘Yung naiinis na ako kasi sobrang dami. At gusto ko rin magpalit ng pangalan. ‘Yung tipong hindi makakalimutan ng kahit sino. Mga ka-level ng Magnolia. Marigold Loleng? Champaca Loleng? Pitimini Loleng?

“Ang iyong lingkod si Layming! Maganda, mayumi, mapanganib, mangkukulam!”

- Celia Rodriguez in Darna at Ding

Parang dinescribe talaga ako ni Layming. Sa tingin ko maganda ako. Oo, malakas ang tiwala ko sa sarili. At may kakapalan ang mukha ko. Hello!? Kung hindi makapal ang mukha ko ano pang secret weapon ko aber? Mayumi ako. Minsan napapansin ng mga friends ko kung kumilos ako akala mo’y kung sino balingkinitan ang pangangatawan. Eh, leche ang taba-taba ko na nga tapos babarda-barda pa ako kumilos? Abuso na yata ‘yun. Mapanganib ako – dahil magaan ang mga kamay ko. Siguro nga sadista ako kasi may ibang satisfaction akong nararamdaman kapag nakakasakit ako ng ibang tao, pisikal man o emotional. At higit sa lahat mangkukulam ako. Ay totoo ‘yan. I remember ‘nung highschool, kasama ng mga friends ko na sina Mickey and Weng, kinulam namin ‘yung mga crush namin na syota-in kami. Madilim na kuwarto, may mga kandila achuchuchu. Sineryoso talaga namin. Ending, ‘di tumalab ‘yung kulam nila. Pero ‘yung sa akin, pasok sa banga. Jinowa ko siya.

“Nagustuhan? Sinira mo ang kanta. Binaboy mo. Baliw ang nagsasabing ipinanganak na karibal ko. You’ll never make it. Hindi ka singer, Dorina. Wala kang kalulugaran sa mundong ito. Malayong kopya ng original. You’re a fake. You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard copycat!”

- Cherie Gil in Bituing Walang Ningning

But of course! Ang unang pelikulang napanood ko ever ay ang classic na ito. Sa Betamax. I think I was around 4 or 5 years old. Naaliw ako sa mga lines. Sa pagkanta ni Dorina Pineda. Sa pagtatalak ni Lavinia Arguelles. ‘Nung pinanood ko siya natuwa ako sa mga makikintab nilang damit. Sa nagtataasan nilang shoulder pads na akala mo sasabak sa NFL games. Naisip ko na parang… parang… gusto ko silang tularan.

“Para kang karinderyang bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain.”

- Vilma Santos in Palimos nag Pag-Ibig

Itong classic line na ito ni Ate Vi best describes my sex life ‘nung college. Bwahahaha. Oo, inaamin ko. May pagkakataon na hindi ako naging masyadong choosy. Aminin na natin. Minsan naging dayukdok at masiba tayo sa nota. Eh sa sila ang lumalapit e, so mag-iinarte ako? Kung kasalanan maging kaakit-akit… I’m sorry! Pero nagbago na ako. Namimili na ako. Actually, sa sobrang choosy ko, tigang na ako. Hayok. Gutom. Uhaw. Sabik. At dahil diyan, parang ina-announce ko na muling nagbubukas ang karinderya ko – 24/7.

“Ang hirap sa ‘yo, hindi mo na makuha ng tama ang order, hindi mo na maluto ng tama ang sisig, ‘di ka pa magkaanak!”

- Diether Ocampo in Gimik: The Reunion

Bukod sa obvious na wala akong balak mag-dalang-tao, hindi talaga ako marunong magluto ng sisig. Kasi naman ang nanay at tatay ko magaling magluto. Ang kapatid ko magaling magluto. Ang lola ko, may sa-Jedi ang cooking skills. Ako wala. Well actually, in a scale of 1 to 10, nasa 7 naman ang skills ko. Kaya lang ang 7, sa pamilya Sanares-Loleng ay mga 2 lang. So tuwing nag-a-attempt ako magluto, todo pag-aawat talaga ang buong angkan ko. Maglalagay ako ng konting asin may maririnig kang “maghunus-dili ka!” Kaunting paminta, “magtimpi ka!” Mag-a-attempt na magluto ng manok, “’wag mong ilagay ang hustisiya sa iyong mga kamay.” I-quote ba si Perla Bautista? Oh well.

Amalia Fuentes: “Ano ito!? Business or monkey business?”

Pilar Pilapil: “Business! Ngayon lang pumasok ang monkey!”

- Amalia Fuentes and Pilar Pilapil in Mortal Sin

Ganyan na ganyan lang ang career ko sa call center industry. May apat na taon din ako nagtagal diyan. From agent, to team leader, to coach, to QA analyst, to product trainer, to account manager, to site manager and finally operations manager. Lahat ‘yan pinagdaanan ko. In fairness, impressive pala resume ko. Hehehe. Pero looking back, feeling ko ‘di ko masyado sineryoso ang trabaho ko sa lagay na ‘yan. Feeling ko mas malayo pa mararating ko sana. Pero anong magagawa ko? Hindi siya ang love ko e. So talagang parang feeling ko niloko ko lang ang sarili ko. Kaya ngayon, tutuparin ko na ang pangarap kong maging – sikat na artista. Oo ‘yung tipong sobrang sikat ka kahit walang kang talent kumanta ay gagawa ka ng album kasi nga sikat ka. Parang si Juday na dinaan sa hangin ang pagkanta. Or si Gabby na sinabay sa comeback ang album. Or si Gretchen na binili ang sariling mga album para makaabot sa gold record level. Or sina Boy at Kris na dinaan sa compilation.

“Akala ko ‘nung una nagtatanga-tangahan ka lang. ‘Yun pala talagang tanga ka!”

- Maricel Soriano in Minsan May Isang Ina

Aray. ‘Nung last relationship ko, binigyan ko ng justification lahat ng mga choices ko. Pinaniwala ko ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na hindi naman totoo. Ganoon talaga kapag in-love ka ‘di ba? ‘Yung mali gagawan ng paraan na maging tama. ‘Yung hindi totoo bibigyan ng katwiran. ‘Yung pangit pinapaganda. Pero after some time, kung re-review-hin mo ‘yung relationship, mare-realize mo na may katangahan ka nga. Minsan, sasabihin sa ‘yo nga mga kaibigan mo ang tunay na sitwasyon pero ‘di ka makikinig. Pinipili ng mga tenga kung ano ang gusto mong marinig. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako kasi may ilang mga kaibigan ako na hindi ako sinukuan. ‘Yung tipong sasabihin talaga ang dapat mong marinig kahit masakit. Pero sana since nakinig naman ako sa ‘yo, ‘wag na natin ulit-ulitin pa na tama ka. ‘Wag mo na ipagduldulan na nagkamali ako. Sorry na. Ibaon na natin sa limot pwede? Kasi may mga alam din ako na pagkakamali mo. Gusto mo ipaalala ko sa rin sa ‘yo tuwing magkikita tayo? Oo na, nagpakatanga tayo minsan. Kalimutan na natin ‘yun katulad ng paglimot natin sa mga katangahan natin ‘nung bata pa tayo. Katulad ng pag-dye mo ng buhok mo ng orange. O ‘nung tutukan ako ng kutsilyo sa C-5. O ‘nung naholdap ka ng ka-sex mo. O nung natae ka sa pants mo ‘nung field trip natin sa National Museum. O ‘nung nagsusuot ka ng hairclip ng sumasayaw na paru-paro. O na hanggang ngayon naglalaro ka pa rin ng Barbie kahit bente siyente anyos ka na at lalaki ka pa na may asawa at dalawang anak. ‘Di ba?

“Ayoko ng tinatapakan ako! Ayoko ng masikip! Ayoko ng mabaho! Ayoko ng walang pagkain! Ayoko ng marumi! Ayoko ng walang tubig! Ayoko ng putik!

- Maricel Soriano in Kaya Kong Abutin Ang Langit

Sino ba may gusto niyan Maria? Dagdagan ko pa ha? Ayoko mag-jeep. Ayoko mag-elevator. Ayoko ng amoy ng suka. Ayoko ng kinakain ng puwet ko ang brief ko. Ayoko ng mga jologs na tumatambay ng apat na oras sa Starbucks tapos ang order e isang Tall Brewed Coffee lang. Ayoko ng siksikan sa LRT. Ayoko ng mga taxi driver na hindi nagbibigay ng sukli. Ayoko ng kanin na buhaghag. Ayoko ng wasabi. Ayoko ng mahabang pila. Ayoko sa mga batang pulubi sa jeep na pupunasan ang aking mga paa gamit ang trapo nilang pagkarumi-rumi lalo na kapag nakasinelas lang ako. Ayoko ng patakaran ng MTRCB. Ayoko sa kulay green. Ayoko sa kaimito. Ayoko ng brownout. Ayoko ng summer. Ayoko ng baha. Ayoko ng mga taong nagsusuot ng Penshoppe. Ayoko sa SM Manila. Ayoko ng yosing menthol. Ayoko na mag-call center. Ayoko ng pinagpapawisan. Ayoko ng Dark Cherry Mocha. Ayoko sa GMA-7. Ayoko kay Paolo Bediones. Ayoko ng public display of affection. Ayoko na kay John Lapus. Ayoko sa mga talent ng ABS-CBN na lumipat sa GMA. Ayoko kay Dora the Explorer. Ayoko sa Project Runway Philippines. Ayoko kay Tyra Banks. Ayoko kapag tumitikwas ang buhok ko. Ayoko ng ipis. Ayoko ng amoy ng Bench Colognes. Ayoko sa mga taong may simcard na SMART. Ayoko ng masyadong maliwanag. Ayoko ng instant coffee. Ayoko ng mga taong nagrereklamo na ang pangit ng Philippine TV samantalang ‘di naman sila nanonood ng TV. Ayoko kay Cristy Fermin. Ayoko na kay Boy Abunda. Ayoko na sa #Bi-Manila. Ayoko na.

Growing Gayspeak

2008-12-01T22:51:00.000+08:00

Recently, a friend forwarded a text message which supposedly lists the latest additions to the “Badingtionary.” I, almost automatically, forwarded the message to everyone on my list – I dream of a world that accepts baklese as a formal language, demmet!

I am amazed at how the Pinoy gay lingo evolves. I observed that the language is almost 80% dependent on current events and pop culture so a revision is required every six months – at least.

But anyway, here are some of the words that MY PEOPLE recently concocted:

1. Aglipay – ugly kept man/woman of a foreigner, “ugly Pinoy, ugly Pinay”

2. Anjanette – “I’m coming!”

3. Barclay – Baclaran

4. Bethlehem – testicles

5. Cadillac – to walk

6. Chemistry – to joke, BS, kiyeme

7. Daisy Farm – Philippine Women’s University, a place to pick-up teenage boys as in daisy-sais, daisy siyete…

8. Difficult – poverty-stricken

9. Eclipse – to sleep

10. Exhaust fan – a stupid person

11. Flat shoes na may takong – yes

12. Galema – traitor

13. Hagedorn – tired

14. Jason Pamintuan – straight-acting gay (this one got me laughing because all the Jason I know is gay.)

15. King Kong Barbie – effeminate muscular gay man

16. Lotlot and friends – losers of a contest, especially beauty pageants

17. Moon Crystal Power – beautiful only at night (Sailormoon truly is a gay icon.)

18. Narcisa – nurse

19. Pa-essence – “let me taste” (so pa-experience is obsolete?)

20. Peninsula – penis

21. Standard – old gay man (so institution is obsolete?)

22. Success Story – ugly gay man who hooked up with really hot guy (I think this is a matter of perspective, one man’s success story is another man’s mercy fuck.)

23. Trixie – tricycle

24. Voltron – ugly muscular gay man, “baklang maton”

25. Yema – icky residue after anal intercourse (why?)

If you know any new gay words, please let me know. E-mail me @ reignloleng@gmail.com. Seriously, I’m collecting them.

Post Break-Up Form/Letter To Ex

2008-12-01T22:49:00.000+08:00

Instructions: Choose the best answer. Retype. Print. Wrap a large stone with it. Throw at ex’s window. Or head if you are really angry.

Dear (insert ex’s name)

You are too:

· immature for me

· self-absorbed to even notice me

· short and people stare at you and laugh

· smelly that it affects my house plants

You make me want to:

· become a nun/priest

· throw up and eat my own vomit

· call your mother and tell her how badly she raised you

· call your boss and tell him that you are taking drugs

I am writing this letter because I want to tell you that I:

· have changed the locks at MY apartment

· have burned all your Sandman graphic novels

· have told your mother that you have STD

· have filed a restraining order against you

I can’t stand that you:

· scream like a girl while having an orgasm

· masturbate while watching tribes people on National Geographic

· kiss me with that breath

· cook and assume that chili is the only ingredient in the world

Our relationship was:

· a mistake of global proportions

· an episode of Twilight Zone

· a reason for my friends to say “we told you so”

· as bad Ryan Seacrest hosting the Emmys

I felt like I was sleeping with:

· a corpse

· Mini-me

· Whoopi Goldberg

· a huge block of blue cheese

I wish you would:

· leave me alone

· leave the country

· leave cooking to professionals

· die a violent death

I hope you never get over your unnatural obsession with your:

· early on-set drastic hair loss

· stretch marks

· back pimples

· hairy butt

I feel:

· sorry for your mother

· sorry for your next girlfriend/boyfriend

· glad that I don’t have to fake interest in your hobbies anymore

· glad that I don’t have to act slightly stupid to make you feel good about yourself

Sincerely (insert your name)

P.S. I hate your:

· fashion sense

· your pet

· brother/sister

· guts

P.P.S:

· your sister is ugly as fuck

· your hometown is so primitive

· you are not as hot as you think

· I just won the lottery